Ten Thousands Miles

She called it a serendipity moment, the moment when she met a guy whom she called as "Summer". The unexpected precious moment. For her, Summer was her sunshine. The dawn to end the darkness. The warmth to finish the coldness. Everyday was bright during this "Summer Time". 

At first, she didn't expect this guy to finally be her first love. Hey, she was just 16 years old when they first met. It was not love at first sight but it turned out to be love. Days after days, years passed by. Summer was still in her heart. She couldn't let him go, to bring a way for Autumn or other seasons to come. She might never say it, but she felt the love in her heart.

Summer changed her world. Her entire world. She learned a lot of things from this guy. She learned to be strong, independent, brave, and collect the gut to chase her dream. With him, she could be herself. She didn't afraid to tell him that she wanted to be Sue Storm instead of Lois Lane. He was there for her, during the most difficult time in her life. But this difficult time was her reason to walk away. She loved him very much so she didn't want him to be the part of her miserable life. He deserved something better. Someone better.

They were apart. The girl never really wanted to leave him anyway. She kept fighting to be someone who deserves to be with him. Finally, she did it. Unfortunately, it was too late for her. The guy couldn't wait. He didn't even fulfil his promise to chase their dream together. He seemed forgetting the song he wrote for her birthday gift. The song she kept listening to whenever she missed him. Summer found someone else. It broke the girl's heart into pieces. This was not a fairy tale with a happy ending. But some loves don't meant to have this kind of ending.

However, she's not a weak girl anymore. She's not a 16 years old girl who wrote a love letter for the one she loved. She has grown up. No matter how hard it is, she struggles to move on. To find the happiness that she deserves.

In the end, she has moved on. Here she is, ten thousands miles away from home. From the places where she kept her Summer memory. For her, moving on doesn't mean forget everything about him. It is the moment when she doesn't feel painful whenever she sees him with another girl. She just smiles and wishes for their happiness. She has found hers. Eventually she moves on, although it took ten thousands miles and eleven years for her to make it.

Letter for You, Dear

Dear, lately our relationship is not really good. I know I have to let you go but I don't want us to end like this. I still wanna make friend with you, although we can't be more than just good friends. However, you didn't reply my message. What's going on, dear? Are you mad at me? Well, I wanna talk to you. I wanna tell you that I used to like you before. I have liked you for years, when I was not able to think of someone else. But now, you don't have to be worry. I fall for another guy. He does things that you couldn't do before. He can make me cry while you couldn't. I was strong enough not to see you for days, and even months, but the fact that I haven't seen him for a while really hurts me. He causes pains in my heart, a lot of pain. But I keep forgiving him. Wherever I leave, I remember him. Today, I felt confused deciding which place to go because every place reminds me of him. He drives me crazy, dear. He really does. I heard a lot of rumors about him, about his past. I though it would make my feeling changed, but it didn't. There were times when I felt like forgetting him from my heart. Whenever it happens, he comes back to my heart and this feeling is getting stronger. What should I do? At one side, I'm glad that finally I can move on from you. But I'm scare. What if it doesn't end well? Dear, I hope I can tell you about it. About how I used to like you before and how I feel about this guy. I still like you, dear but I like him more. If you are my summer then he has to be my autumn...

The Colorful World

For years I had wondered how to make my world colorful again after he left? It turns out that the answer is so simple. I just have to meet the right person to make my colorful world. Early 2013 I wished to have a better life and here I am. People can see my smile again, a sincere smile. I've moved on from him and I feel excited to have my colorful world every single day. How can it happen? I don't know. Perhaps it is because I've grown up and I have a very good job that I really love. Seeing new people is helpful too.

Do I still want to meet him anymore? The answer is still the same one. I want to see him again. I want to show him that I've moved on from him. I have a good life now and I want to tell him about it.

Shoulders to Cry On

I really need shoulders to cry on today. I have wondered how I feel about someone within days. It has been years since the last time I had this special feeling but lately, I feel excited when I meet this guy. This is the feeling that I can't explain. I feel that I want to cry on his shoulders, tell the days I have to him and other things I wanted to do with another guy in the past.

But I have to work hard to make this feeling gone before it's too late, just like before. He's out of my league and his life is perfect. There are some reasons why I need to make this feeling goes away. He doesn't feel the same way like I do and I don't want him to be the part of my pathetic life. Whenever I just have a hard difficult day, I feel like I want to run to his place, tell him everything and I know that it can make me feel better. The same thing happened with another guy years ago but this time, what I feel is stronger.

So, this is it. At the end of this post, I'm gonna fight for my feeling. I need to work hardly to make this feeling gone. It is painful but I have to do it because he deserves to be loved by a better woman than I am.

Everything Goes for a Reason

What I'm going to write here has been described in the title.

Everything goes for a reason even the terrible things in your life. About 4 years ago, something bad happened to me. It was the worst thing that was ever happened to me. My life was suck but everything goes for a reason. At least I can see the reason now. Yes, my life was terrible during that time but there were great things happened. I met the one I had loved for years and we spent the awesome day. Perhaps we wouldn't be together but it doesn't matter. I was happy those days.

Now, another terrible thing happens to me. It is not as bad as what happened four years ago but I still hate it. And yes, it happens for a reason. Well at least that is what I really hope. I wish this is my way out to find happiness. Just like my Dad, I will never give up although sometimes I want to cry. Everything goes for a reason and it is the time to find what the reason is.

x.o.x.o

C

The End of This Story

I always wonder how our story was going to end. I finally got the answer, after seven years I know you. I still haven't found the answer of your feeling right now but I found the answer of what I have to do when I wake up tomorrow.

January 13th, 2006
We met for the first time and since that day, I haven't stopped thinking of you. You are always in my heart and mind. My life is filled by your shadow.

January 13th, 2013
So, this is it. I decide the ending of our story and it's today. Starting tomorrow, I am going to face the world, stop mourning and ready to fly away from my past with you. My time with you was amazing but it is time to face the truth. Life can be hard without you there but this is the reality that I am going to have.

Goodbye and thanks for everything you have given to me.

Thanks for the sharing times, the song you wrote as my birthday gift although the lyrics were awkward and the laugh you gave to me.

I'm not 16 years old girl anymore and starting tomorrow, I'm gonna act like an adult will do to love someone.

x.o.x.o

Seven Years Later

In two days, it is going to be seven years of "you are in my life" thing. Yes, we met seven years ago then I started to have a crush on you. We met one day then you left but the brief sweet memory about you was always there. I moved on but when I started not to think about you, you came back and my crush feeling was getting stronger. Every night we shared our days, you strengthened me when I feel apart and with you there, I didn't feel that life was hard. I felt the warmth of your finger and I was happy during that time. Life could be hard for me those days but I had you by my side so it didn't matter. Whenever I wanted to cry, I just needed to come to you and you would relieve my pain.

However, even that day I had known that our story must be ended. The differences between us became the reason why we would never been together no matter how our feeling is. We chose the different way and again, you left me. My life was not really hard that time. Perhaps that is why God made you came into my life. You were created to relieve my pain and when I was okay, you went away. The day I met you, my heart was broken too. I had a crush on someone but it was not my feeling for you. I was young that day so it was not more than just a little crush. My heart was in pain and you came into my life to fix it. The day I met you was the day when I started knowing how big this world it. I wanted to explore this world and here I am now, ready to explore this world. From you, I learn to do something important in my life to other people.

It has been almost seven years and you are not by my side again. You left me and I have an unanswered question: can I love a guy more than I love you? You will always be my first love, this is something that I can't change. But I hope tomorrow, I'm going to wake up and move on. I will open my heart for someone else although you will always be in my heart. You have been my guardian for seven years where you are always there to keep me away from pain.

Love is not always purposed to be together and I know that. I loved you like a girl loves a boy and now I love you like a woman who loves a man and I want you to be happy.

So, can you really leave me this time? Yes, you have left but it is physically because you are still in my eyes, my mind and my heart. I don't know when it is going to be over but I hope it is going to be soon.