Shoulders to Cry On

I really need shoulders to cry on today. I have wondered how I feel about someone within days. It has been years since the last time I had this special feeling but lately, I feel excited when I meet this guy. This is the feeling that I can't explain. I feel that I want to cry on his shoulders, tell the days I have to him and other things I wanted to do with another guy in the past.

But I have to work hard to make this feeling gone before it's too late, just like before. He's out of my league and his life is perfect. There are some reasons why I need to make this feeling goes away. He doesn't feel the same way like I do and I don't want him to be the part of my pathetic life. Whenever I just have a hard difficult day, I feel like I want to run to his place, tell him everything and I know that it can make me feel better. The same thing happened with another guy years ago but this time, what I feel is stronger.

So, this is it. At the end of this post, I'm gonna fight for my feeling. I need to work hardly to make this feeling gone. It is painful but I have to do it because he deserves to be loved by a better woman than I am.

Everything Goes for a Reason

What I'm going to write here has been described in the title.

Everything goes for a reason even the terrible things in your life. About 4 years ago, something bad happened to me. It was the worst thing that was ever happened to me. My life was suck but everything goes for a reason. At least I can see the reason now. Yes, my life was terrible during that time but there were great things happened. I met the one I had loved for years and we spent the awesome day. Perhaps we wouldn't be together but it doesn't matter. I was happy those days.

Now, another terrible thing happens to me. It is not as bad as what happened four years ago but I still hate it. And yes, it happens for a reason. Well at least that is what I really hope. I wish this is my way out to find happiness. Just like my Dad, I will never give up although sometimes I want to cry. Everything goes for a reason and it is the time to find what the reason is.

x.o.x.o

C

The End of This Story

I always wonder how our story was going to end. I finally got the answer, after seven years I know you. I still haven't found the answer of your feeling right now but I found the answer of what I have to do when I wake up tomorrow.

January 13th, 2006
We met for the first time and since that day, I haven't stopped thinking of you. You are always in my heart and mind. My life is filled by your shadow.

January 13th, 2013
So, this is it. I decide the ending of our story and it's today. Starting tomorrow, I am going to face the world, stop mourning and ready to fly away from my past with you. My time with you was amazing but it is time to face the truth. Life can be hard without you there but this is the reality that I am going to have.

Goodbye and thanks for everything you have given to me.

Thanks for the sharing times, the song you wrote as my birthday gift although the lyrics were awkward and the laugh you gave to me.

I'm not 16 years old girl anymore and starting tomorrow, I'm gonna act like an adult will do to love someone.

x.o.x.o

Seven Years Later

In two days, it is going to be seven years of "you are in my life" thing. Yes, we met seven years ago then I started to have a crush on you. We met one day then you left but the brief sweet memory about you was always there. I moved on but when I started not to think about you, you came back and my crush feeling was getting stronger. Every night we shared our days, you strengthened me when I feel apart and with you there, I didn't feel that life was hard. I felt the warmth of your finger and I was happy during that time. Life could be hard for me those days but I had you by my side so it didn't matter. Whenever I wanted to cry, I just needed to come to you and you would relieve my pain.

However, even that day I had known that our story must be ended. The differences between us became the reason why we would never been together no matter how our feeling is. We chose the different way and again, you left me. My life was not really hard that time. Perhaps that is why God made you came into my life. You were created to relieve my pain and when I was okay, you went away. The day I met you, my heart was broken too. I had a crush on someone but it was not my feeling for you. I was young that day so it was not more than just a little crush. My heart was in pain and you came into my life to fix it. The day I met you was the day when I started knowing how big this world it. I wanted to explore this world and here I am now, ready to explore this world. From you, I learn to do something important in my life to other people.

It has been almost seven years and you are not by my side again. You left me and I have an unanswered question: can I love a guy more than I love you? You will always be my first love, this is something that I can't change. But I hope tomorrow, I'm going to wake up and move on. I will open my heart for someone else although you will always be in my heart. You have been my guardian for seven years where you are always there to keep me away from pain.

Love is not always purposed to be together and I know that. I loved you like a girl loves a boy and now I love you like a woman who loves a man and I want you to be happy.

So, can you really leave me this time? Yes, you have left but it is physically because you are still in my eyes, my mind and my heart. I don't know when it is going to be over but I hope it is going to be soon.

The First Week of 2013

So, this is 2013. I didn't write any resolution though I want a lot of good things to be happened this year. Anyway, I just moved to the new place: the capital city of the country. I have a job as a civil servant now. How was my first week at work? It was nice. All co-workers are great so far, I work in the field that I like then there is nothing to feel sad about.

Unless that I'm a little bit homesick. I really miss my home, my bed and everyone there. Sometimes I think if the capital city can be moved to my hometown. Whenever I feel this way, I remember about my purpose to come there for the first time. The reason why I applied and took this job. Perhaps when I find better place to stay in this big city, I will feel better. Let's put it in my 2013's wish list.

I think it's enough for today and I'm gonna share my days in this city later. Really hopes that it is going to be interesting to all of you.

x.o.x.o

Cesty