A Second Thought

How could you ignore a nice guy right in front of you? Isn't he the guy you've been dreaming of all the time? So, whenever you have a second thought on him (again), please remember that He (is):

Never forget to pray, even in the train

As impulsive as you are

Can share homemade foods for lunch

Loves solo-travelling

Always fulfil his promises

Notify you if he can't make it

Doesn't take a long time to dress up

Can't distinguish youth serum

Loves KFC like you do

Manage his straight face very well

Ready for an adventurous trip

As heartless as you are

The right person to talk about politics

Can give you the casual and less-drama life you've always wanted



Aren't those reasons enough to mention his name in every pray?

Casual

All drama makes me tired. I want no more drama. It's enough. Let me live casually and be me. Then there you are, standing in the corner with a smile on your face. Your shady eyes calm me down instantly. Suddenly I know that you are the answer if I want to have a casual and less-drama life. Something that I've always wanted. But the path to be with you is not easy. There are rules needed to be broken. Like my own rule not to be the first one to text a guy. You are the only exception, I guess. Well, I'm sorry if it feels cheesy. I haven't done it in, errr perhaps almost ten years.

Oh no, you're not flawless of course. We share common flaws somehow as you are the male version of me. We both are impulsive, easy going, love being alone and, it's disgusting but we're too lazy to take a shower while we're here. And we also share common interests, from TV series to the political stuff. At that point, I know my life will be easy and casual with you. You are the answer if I want to keep my current life and share it at the same time. I still can be around my friends if I'm with you.

It's time to take a deep breathe and wish the road to you is a smooth one.

You, Me and Old Letters

As Yahoo! went down, I decided to check on my old conversation in Y! Mail. Then I arrived there, to the folders created to save all of the letters from you. I was young and pure and innocent when I wrote them all. Oh Gosh, it has been very long time. More than ten years ago when we first started writing letters to each other.

By the way, I'm listening to The Cranberries songs right now. One of your favourite musicians of all time. Hey, do you still love them? I mean, you have grown up and I notice some changes in you. I wonder if you're still into The Cranberries.

You know, life is funny sometimes. It seems like yesterday, you were waiting for me going home from the mosque during Ramadhan, in front of your computer. And then we chatted all night long. Like nothing bad happened while a lot of unfortunate events were going in my life. But at least I had you that time, to comfort me. Now here I am, in a very far away place from you. Just finished my Tarawih, decided to open Skype and you are not there. You know, when life gets rough, sometimes I want to write a letter to you. Like I used to do before. But this time, everything is different between us. You have found someone, and I'm on my way to do the same thing.

Hi Dear, I convince myself that I've moved on. I know I have. But it doesn't mean I don't wanna see you anymore. I wish one day I can meet you again, and we can be best friends then.

Right now, I keep the old letters we used to write to each other. Smile and wish us all the best in life.

For You, Whom I Keep Mentioning in My Prayers

What kind of romance I keep wishing? Well, of course not like our story. The part when I fall for you is to be honest, very embarrassing. I didn't plan for it, well to fall in love with you this deep. But I tend to fall for the wrong one, instead of the right one. It keeps happening since years ago. Once, I want my heart to choose a guy depends on his love to Allah.

"Love in silence" is what I'm trying to do. I never speak out about this feeling, loudly while I know I feel it. I keep this feeling in the corner of my heart, wishing it will be gone. But it is not gone... yet. There are moments when I really want to walk away from you and gain my own happiness. Then everything changes while I see you as a little lost lamb. You look like a person who needs a guidance. It is not entirely your fault, because your life experience makes you this way. At this very point, I want to be there for you. Ready to open my arms, if one day you have the will to go straight.

Every day and night, I pray for you to find the light. Even when we're not meant to be together, I still wish you would find it one day. The light that will bring you a true happiness, something I never be able to find in your eyes. And I promise to be there for you if it comes...

When He Left Without Saying Goodbye

Usually moral comes at the end of the story. But this time I would like to put it in the beginning: sometimes you realise how precious someone was, after he's already gone. That's what happened to me this week.

On Monday, I still saw him. In unusual way. He came sitting in my class, the one he was not registered to. Only half of the lecture, then he left. I didn't expect anything at that time. Until Wednesday, when he didn't attend our terrorism class. Long story short, I found out that he was going back home. He wouldn't come back here to finish his programme. He got a job that would be good for his future. Without saying a proper goodbye to his friends here. To me. He didn't say goodbye in person because he didn't feel comfortable to do it.

Everything happened very sudden. I was blank for a moment. Couldn't think straight. At that very point, I realised how precious he was. At first, I thought of him as a little crush. I was not in love with him, not yet. But he was definitely more than just a crush. And I knew it by the time I found that he already left.

I've known him for six months, but we became closer earlier this year. Why did I have to know him better right before he left? Now Selly Oak doesn't feel the same anymore without him. When I shop in the supermarket, I remember how he used to shop there. When I open my window in the morning, I look at his former flat. The route from Uni to home reminds me of him. I still remember all the things he said during his time here.

"We call it Boku Doraemon, as in Boko Haram"

"Why do people keep thinking I'm a Chinese?"

"I hate the voice of my iPhone when it takes pictures"

And all random conversations we had. Not to mention all memes we shared. Now I have to let myself down whenever I hear Eric Clapton's songs. His favourite musician. Smile but sad at the same time. It was short time to be closer with him. But every minute of it was precious. I don't know if one day we'll see each other again. I hope we will.

Wherever he is, I hope the best for him. He regained my faith that good guys still exist. The guy who loves political stuff and cute memes at the same time. Probably there was no proper goodbye for us because it was not a goodbye. We'll see each other again. Under the cherry blossom, maybe?

Ten Thousands Miles

She called it a serendipity moment, the moment when she met a guy whom she called as "Summer". The unexpected precious moment. For her, Summer was her sunshine. The dawn to end the darkness. The warmth to finish the coldness. Everyday was bright during this "Summer Time". 

At first, she didn't expect this guy to finally be her first love. Hey, she was just 16 years old when they first met. It was not love at first sight but it turned out to be love. Days after days, years passed by. Summer was still in her heart. She couldn't let him go, to bring a way for Autumn or other seasons to come. She might never say it, but she felt the love in her heart.

Summer changed her world. Her entire world. She learned a lot of things from this guy. She learned to be strong, independent, brave, and collect the gut to chase her dream. With him, she could be herself. She didn't afraid to tell him that she wanted to be Sue Storm instead of Lois Lane. He was there for her, during the most difficult time in her life. But this difficult time was her reason to walk away. She loved him very much so she didn't want him to be the part of her miserable life. He deserved something better. Someone better.

They were apart. The girl never really wanted to leave him anyway. She kept fighting to be someone who deserves to be with him. Finally, she did it. Unfortunately, it was too late for her. The guy couldn't wait. He didn't even fulfil his promise to chase their dream together. He seemed forgetting the song he wrote for her birthday gift. The song she kept listening to whenever she missed him. Summer found someone else. It broke the girl's heart into pieces. This was not a fairy tale with a happy ending. But some loves don't meant to have this kind of ending.

However, she's not a weak girl anymore. She's not a 16 years old girl who wrote a love letter for the one she loved. She has grown up. No matter how hard it is, she struggles to move on. To find the happiness that she deserves.

In the end, she has moved on. Here she is, ten thousands miles away from home. From the places where she kept her Summer memory. For her, moving on doesn't mean forget everything about him. It is the moment when she doesn't feel painful whenever she sees him with another girl. She just smiles and wishes for their happiness. She has found hers. Eventually she moves on, although it took ten thousands miles and eleven years for her to make it.

Letter for You, Dear

Dear, lately our relationship is not really good. I know I have to let you go but I don't want us to end like this. I still wanna make friend with you, although we can't be more than just good friends. However, you didn't reply my message. What's going on, dear? Are you mad at me? Well, I wanna talk to you. I wanna tell you that I used to like you before. I have liked you for years, when I was not able to think of someone else. But now, you don't have to be worry. I fall for another guy. He does things that you couldn't do before. He can make me cry while you couldn't. I was strong enough not to see you for days, and even months, but the fact that I haven't seen him for a while really hurts me. He causes pains in my heart, a lot of pain. But I keep forgiving him. Wherever I leave, I remember him. Today, I felt confused deciding which place to go because every place reminds me of him. He drives me crazy, dear. He really does. I heard a lot of rumors about him, about his past. I though it would make my feeling changed, but it didn't. There were times when I felt like forgetting him from my heart. Whenever it happens, he comes back to my heart and this feeling is getting stronger. What should I do? At one side, I'm glad that finally I can move on from you. But I'm scare. What if it doesn't end well? Dear, I hope I can tell you about it. About how I used to like you before and how I feel about this guy. I still like you, dear but I like him more. If you are my summer then he has to be my autumn...